


70-Year-Old-Woman Goes Crazy Over Video! NetToday Journalist Injured Following an Interview Gone Wrong.

by coffee_books_videos



Category: Markiplier (YouTube RPF), markiplier - Fandom
Genre: #SEXYMARK, Markiplier - Freeform, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-24 17:27:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3777166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffee_books_videos/pseuds/coffee_books_videos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It has been 50 years the event of 3:24 PM, April 18th, 2015, the event that sparked a revolution of the Internet. The following includes a transcript of a woman who lived though this event, and who has come out to tell her side of the story. Warning: the following could be triggering to any person who lived through this. Please proceed with caution.</p>
            </blockquote>





	70-Year-Old-Woman Goes Crazy Over Video! NetToday Journalist Injured Following an Interview Gone Wrong.

Recently, an interview was conducted by a NetToday journalist, which ended in a black-eye and a surprising arrest.

The following is a transcript from the video that NetToday posted about four days ago of a 70-year-woman, describing the “#SEXYMARK” incident of 2015, on the 50th anniversary of it's publication. Discretion is advised, because during this interview, the woman proceeded to have a nosebleed, and could be potentially triggering to anyone who watched this before it was taken down for the good of the general public on March 6th, 2017 at 7:45am. The events described may not be appropriate for those under 18, or for those at work. Any who read this while under 18 or at work will be prosecuted. You're being watched. 

 

**Could you tell us a little about that day, and maybe a bit about what happened?**

 

“That day? I think... I think we all remember where we were the day that… It happened. The video that changed everything. We didn’t ask for it, or anything, it just sort of… Did. I didn’t have a twitter account, at the time, I’d deleted it, but those who did follow him were warned of it’s arrival, and… I envy those people, sometimes. They were able to prepare for it, mentally, you know. But I don’t think that anything could have fully prepared them for what happened that day. 

I remember exactly what I was doing. I was studying. Physics, and I had made the unfortunate mistake of taking Advanced Placement. But… After it happened, it didn’t seem to matter anymore. Nothing else seemed to matter, not after… The video… 

But, like I said… I was studying. And my head was starting to hurt, as was expected. I hated physics, so it made no sense why I had even bothered taking the class. It wasn’t the concepts, as it was just trying to do the math. I was bad at math, too, I mean, I was an artist, I wasn’t the greatest at math. But, then again, I suppose that doesn’t matter. Being good at art doesn’t mean you’re bad at math, it means you’re good at art. But… It’s amazing how three minutes can change everything.

I opened my phone, and grabbed my headphones. It was time I took a study break, I had just wanted to relax for a moment, so I opened the YouTube app. Unsuspecting. Unknowing. Unprepared.

3:24 PM, April 18th, 2015 was the exact time and date that everything that we thought was right in the world was changed. I remember it clearly, like it was just yesterday. How could I forget. It was precisely one minute after he’d published that video that I had decided to check my subscriptions. Now, nothing had come up different initially when I checked, because the iPhone app didn’t update my subscriptions immediately, so nothing new was showing being posted since muyskerm had posted the fourth episode in his series, “muyskerm goes mobile”. I don’t remember the title, but it had something to do with boobs, I think. But I was starting to wonder why my one of my favorite channels hadn’t posted another video. He usually posted two a day, so I decided to tap on his channel and look myself. And, sure enough, he’d posted another video. His latest only had 294 views, one of the defaults. And, despite the title being “#SEXYMARK”, I tapped on the icon with my thumb. I didn’t know then what I know now. I didn’t know better… I didn’t know…

I sat there and watched it. 3 minutes and 14 seconds. And when those seconds passed, I suddenly saw the world in a completely new light.

It changed everything. Suddenly, I couldn’t look at another person with… Remembering. Men in suits were suddenly incomparable to what I’d seen. I could be watching my favorite show, and I’d remember the thrusting… And that gray robe… I never thought I’d want to be a robe in my entire life until I saw that damn video.

I saw that video in everything I did. Especially in pancakes.

The pancakes. I couldn’t eat them anymore, not without… Remembering. The tears they were never-ending, and I found myself avoiding iHOP, and refusing to even look at a pancake because the memory was too strong. But at the same time… I would crave them. Like… Pancakes were suddenly things full of so much damned sin, but… They were so damn good. The way the batter was poured… And the syrup… Sticky...

Sorry, I just lost myself there for a moment. As I was saying. This changed… Everything.”

**How so?**

“... You know when you realize everything in your life was leading up to… One moment? Like, when you’re going up a roller coaster simulator, and you suddenly reach the top, and you’re looking over the top… And suddenly you see this drop… But you don’t get to experience that drop anymore, I guess. There isn’t a good enough comparison, nowadays, but we used to be able to feel that drop, on real roller coasters, and... There is a reason that the video was taken down, you know, too many people were going crazy because of it. So many people were… Swearing off of love, because there was no point, not after seeing everything that needed to be seen! That video, it… Opened eyes. It was banned because it’s destructive, Mark didn’t realize what he was doing when he posted that… So many ovaries were exploding… All at once… But it was such a nice video, I don’t think they should’ve taken it away from us like that...”

**But it was discovered in a study done by the American Psychological Association, that “#SEXYMARK” was the reason for at least 85% of all divorces in 2015-.**

“So?! Does it matter? Maybe people were just generally unhappy in their marriage, and happened to watch that video, I mean it was on a rather popular channel, Mark had a lot of subscribers! Almost 8 million when it was posted, and 20 million by the time it was FORCIBLY censored and taken from us! You wouldn’t understand, damn kids.”

**M’ame, I was just making an observation, I meant no disrespect.**

“... I still have it.”

**Pardon?**

“I still have a copy of the video. I made it about 3 weeks after it was posted. That’s about the time when people really started going… Nuts. I saw the danger ahead of time, so I decided to make a copy of the video, and… After all these years, I still have it, and every once in a while… I’ll watch it… And I’ll just remember what it was like to see it the first time...”

**M’ame, under the Internet Protection Act of 2017, nobody is allowed to have that video, you know that, right?**

“So, what? I-I mean, I know that, but I mean, who cares? If you’d seen it, you’d want to keep the video, too! It was the thing that changed everything, you know this, I know this, so what does it matter that I have it?”

**Um... I can’t lawfully allow you to leave with the knowledge that you have that video.**

“Just cut it out of the interview, then! No harm, no foul, it’s MY video, no one can have it!”

**M’ame-.**

“DON’T YOU TOUCH ME, YOUNG MAN-”

 

There was nothing else recorded past this point, because the woman pushed the journalist into the cameraman before getting her cane and fast walking out of the studio. She was arrested after the release of this interview, three days later, for violating the Internet Protection Act of 2017, which banned any and all recordings or storage of videos not belonging to the individual, allowed the government to censor any and all videos published on any video-sharing website, and banned the publication of any video that could be potentially dangerous to the public. The fine for violation is $2,500, and up to 30 years in prison. The woman, who will remain anonymous, was almost 70 years old.

**Author's Note:**

> This is satire. I promise. I love Mark, and that video was hilarious, but I wanted to make something that commented on the way that we (including myself, in full disclosure), Markiplites, responded to the video on Twitter. Things got a little wild there for about an hour. You guys are awesome if you're actually reading this, because that means you either read the entire thing, or you thought this sounded interesting enough to click on then scroll all the way to the bottom!  
> (BTW, I'm not sure if NetToday is an actual news site or not, but if it is, this is completely unaffiliated with them!)  
> -M.C.M.


End file.
